Day 2 – Claim you’re Jesus

01.10 (Day 2) – Claim you’re Jesus – perform a couple miracles, call the Pope, etc.

I woke up today feeling sick as all hell. Maybe this was god’s way of punishing me for pretending to be his son….again. You see, in high school my friends and I started our own religion. I was Nate Christ. Ian was “The Apostle Ian” who wrote the great Book of Ian (Ian 2:4-7 I screameth, thou screameth, we all screameth or Ice Creameth). Matt, who gave birth to me, was the “Virgin Matt.” Sean was, of course, God. We attempted to get as many people as possible to join Natheism. We didn’t have many converts.

Anyway, today I was supposed to “claim” that I was Jesus. That was easy enough. “I am Jesus.” I signed most of my emails, “Jesus.” but sometimes I forgot. I did have to run a few errands today, but at both the post office and at Mississippi Market they did not seem to care. I told Nick (the oldest of the two boys I work with) that I was Jesus. He told me that he was my biggest fan and that I should therefore grant him eternal life. I told him I’d think about it.

I attempted to find the Pope’s phone number on whitepages.com, but, unfortunately, it’s unlisted. I did get the number of one “Benedict Pope” who lives in Pittsburgh, PA. So I called him up and told him that I was Jesus and I wanted to know what he thought of that. Silence.
“You don’t have anything to say to Jesus?” I asked him.
“Jesus.”
“Yeah, Jesus.”
“No, that’s what I’d say. Jesus.”
“Nothing else?”
“Not right away. I’m a slow thinker.”

I also performed a two miracles….As you can see in this wonderful photo, I walked on water (so it was frozen…big deal). I also completed a “fiendish” level Su Doku puzzle (not an easy feat).

Jesus walks on water?!

Points earned today: 3
Total points earned: 6

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2 Responses to “Day 2 – Claim you’re Jesus”

  1. hna Says:

    what a hilarious conversation!

  2. allison alli osborn Says:

    what do i have to do to convert to natheism? does it cost money like scientology? because if it does i think that’s complete bullshit and your going to burn… maybe in hell maybe in the heat of the sun of a sweltering summer afternoon. either way… you’ll burn.
    other than that… i’m impressed by your miracles.

    so… i want to be like the patron saint of something to after i convert.

    make it happen, jesus.

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