Day 25 – Ask a lover, a friend, and an enemy to describe you in one word.

Asking a lover was easy. Ingrid described me as “playful.”

And asking a friend was also easy. I decided to go with the 10 year old that I work with. Gabe described me as “friendly.” Thanks Gabe.

Now the hard part. I don’t really think that I have any enemies. So I just had to make one. I left the house today to get the oil changed in my car (a Honda Civic by the name of Casanova Frankenstein) with the window down and yelled at passersby. “Hey, jackass,” I’d yell. I didn’t get any one word responses. Just a lot of confused looks and middle fingers.

I needed to go somewhere where I knew I could make enemies. Jocks hate me…so why not St. Thomas? For those of you not from Macalester, St. Thomas was the “rival” school, and it was filled to the rim with jockos. I made three passes in my car…I yelled at one muscular looking guy, “Macalester!” “St. Thomas rules!” Strike one. “Democrat!” “Fuck you!” Strike two. I figured that this next one would get the obvious response, but it didn’t work. “Queer!” “Fuck you, faggot.” Come on…why couldn’t he have just left off the “fuck you”? Then I figured it out….if he left of the “fuck you” then people might have thought that we were both gay. Strike three.

When I got to the oil change place, I asked the guy behind the counter to pretend to be my enemy and describe me in one word.
“What do you mean?”
“You know, I’ll call you a jerk, and then you can call me something…but only one word.”
“Jerk,” I said, pointing in his face.
“Well, I guess you’re straight forward.”
“One word.”
“Just hyphenate it.”
“But that’s not very mean.”
“Being straight-forward is not a good quality in my book.”

Later, on my way home from work, I stopped at a grocery store to pick up some salad dressing for my salad-eating-hippie-girlfriend. When I got to the register I explained my situation.
“Well, you’re buying this froofy salad dressing, so I could say that you’re a person who doesn’t follow the established rules. Most people buy Kraft.”
“One word only.”
“Could you at least say it in a mean voice?”

Points earned: 3
Total points: 67


One Response to “Day 25 – Ask a lover, a friend, and an enemy to describe you in one word.”

  1. Joe Manley Says:

    Lover: Shuai (it’s Mandarin, I’m told good things)
    Friend: outraaaageous! (In a mean voice)
    Enemy: Chef (I made the S.O.B. dinner the other night)
    30 points and goin’ on strong

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: