Archive for June, 2006

Day 173 – Use your remote control for evil purposes

June 30, 2006

So, Gabe wanted to watch An American Tail: Fievel Goes West, which I was VERY uninterested in watching. So I kept turning it down, pausing it, rewinding it, and just generall being evil with the remote. Gabe got kind of upset, so I stopped. Then we read a Babar book and he was my friend again.

Points earned: 3
Total points: 443

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Day 172 – Downshifting day

June 29, 2006

I road my bike everywhere, ate a pleasantly slow breakfast with Ian, Paige, and Emily, went to the library and read…how else am I supposed to downshift. I guess if I were in the crappy corporate world I could have done more downshifting, but I’m already running on first gear.

Points earned: 3
Total points: 440

Day 171 – Design a tattoo for someone

June 28, 2006

Here’s a conversation I had with Nick:

“Hey Nick, if you got a tattoo, what would it be?”
“I’m never going to get any tattoos or piercings.”
“Really? Why not?”
“My mom said that I wouldn’t be allowed in the house.”
“Well, you could get one when you become an adult and move out.”
“I still don’t want any.”
“Oh, that’s cool….what if someone made you get one?”
“How?”
“I don’t know, holding a gun to your head?”
“OK. Then I’d get a wavy line wrapped in another wavy line.”
“Cool. Like this?”
tattoo
“That’s exactly as I had imagined it.”
“Where would you get it?”
“On my chest, I think.”

Points earned: 3
Total points: 437

Day 170 – Bite animals back today

June 27, 2006

manbitesdog

Points earned: 3
Total points: 434

Day 169 – Access your dad’s performance so far

June 26, 2006

I think my dad has done a phenomenal job. In fact, both of my parents have. All three of their kids have grown up well adjusted and awesome. They allowed us to grow and learn without being jerks, but also cared enough to help us out when we needed it.

My dad has provided me with a sense of stability, security, and purpose. He’s a positive role model, and an all around great guy. He’s funny, smart, exciting, and daring. I love you dad.

Points earned: 3
Total points: 431

Booyah!

End Times Festival

June 26, 2006

So this weekend I spent a huge portion of my time at the End Times Fest at the Turf Club. I saw way too many bands…some great and some terrible.

I got to meet and talk to Gregg Turkington (a huge hero of mine). I was really WAY more star struck than I thought I’d be, and I think I came across as mentally unstable. I also asked him to bite my arm so I’d get super powers (which didn’t help me in the mentally unstable department), but he said he’d rather not.

Franklin and I ran into the singer for Husker Du, which was funny, ’cause I’m totally not a fan and I had no clue who he was.

I will now do a one sentence review of each band I saw.

Magik Markers – This band (with a female “singer” who basically rolled around on the floor and screamed into a guitar) sucked, but in that kind of way that’s fun to watch

Steve Mackay & Radon Ensemble – I only saw 30 seconds of this saxophone noise group, but that was plenty for me.

Death Sentence: PANDA! – I was really excited to see this trio consisting of a drummer, a flutist, and a distorted clarinet player, and they didn’t disappoint.

Yellow Swans – It was interesting how this electronic noise band from the great state of Oregon never seemed to match up with what they were doing.

Rusted Shut – If Brandon King were 50, drunk, and in a shitty noise band from Eastern Texas, this is how they would sound (I know it sounds fun, but it blew….no offense, Branny).

Oxbow – The singer for this sludgy metal band was not only the largest most muscular human being I’d ever seen, but he also got naked and masturbated on stage.

Neil Hamburger – The funniest man alive does it again!

Lambsbread – This band walked up, said nothing, made noise, and left.

Nate Denver’s Neck – Nate Denver, who not only is my new hero, but also one of the best bands I saw at the fest, played amazing poppy songs about death and a few Deicide covers.

Cherry Blossoms – Terrible hippy inspired noise played by senior citizens.

T.I.T.S. – I really liked about half of this all girl punk/noise/improve group’s set, which included some creepy poltergeist-esque vocals.

Noel Von Harmonson – This hair farmer opened up a suitcase and made some great electronic noise that sounded like a mad scientist’s lab, a lawn mower, and a small child masturbating.

Smegma – Apparently this group of old geezers has been making this John Zorn inspired music for 30+ years, or had John Zorn been making Smegma inspired music?

Flying Luttenbachers – Holy fucking shit these amazingly brutal prog guys were 1000 times better than any of the recordings I’ve ever heard.

Borbetomagus – Shit sandwich

Total Shutdown – Because it was their last show (or so the rumor goes), this band (who included Nate Denver on bass!) screamed, broke shit, threw shit, and just generally caused a ‘rawkus’ which ended in a crazy moshpit and broken turf club equipment.

Zip Code Rapists – They were just as awful, hilarious, and awesome as I thought they’d be (which translates into one of the most fun bands I’ve ever seen live).

Portable Corners – Terrible music played by stinky hippie/crusty punks in an awesome converted bus in the alleyway behind the Turf Club makes for a fun but hot time.

Nmperign – Bratwurs’, next time you’re in Boston visiting your woman, you need to go hear these guys make the quietest noise I’ve ever heard on a trumpet and sax…you won’t be disappointed.

Yowie – Amazingly tight “sloppy” prog punk played by two lumberjacks and one very french looking mustachioed weirdo.

Burning Star Core – Who knew that a violin run through a zillion pedals would sound so great?

XBXRX – The dancing for this band (by the audience and the band members) was by far the craziest with people flying through the air, climbing support poles, throwing guitars, tackling each other, and just general tom-foolery.

Taiwan Deth – If I’ve learned one thing from this fest, it’s that the saxophone is the new guitar, and I’m not so sure that’s a good thing.

Bordems – I had not seen the Bordems since 1994, and this time, even with three drumsets, they never missed a beat, and just by and large “wowed” me.

This fest was seriously amazing and I think people will be talking about it for years to come. It was maybe the best fest I’ve ever been to.

Day 168 – Write and thank your most influential teacher

June 25, 2006

My physics teacher in high school was Mr. Charles Emmert. He was an awful man. He was hands down the worst teacher I ever had. So I decided to write to him and let him know. Here’s the letter I sent:

Hello, Mr. Emmert.

I don’t know if you remember me, but my name is Nate Duke. I graduated from NHS in 1997. I had you for physics my junior year. Since then, I graduated from Macalester College in St. Paul, Minnesota with a double degree in Communications and Music. I am currently working with autistic children.

I went to a physics demonstration a few weeks ago. The speaker was a physics professor from the University of Minnesota. He gave a great presentation about rockets, space travel, and hovercrafts. I absolutely loved the demonstration, and it made me interested in physics again.

And that got me thinking about my physics class at Noblesville High School. I really liked science until your class. You were the absolute worst teacher I ever had. In fact, you totally turned me off to science. After going to this physics demonstration, I realized that it wasn’t physics that I disliked, but you. I think that anyone would agree that a teacher who makes the student hate the subject is a bad teacher.

I talked to my mother about this, and she said that in my entire K-12 career you were the one and only teacher who ever had anything bad to say about me. I asked many of my friends and acquaintances about you and your teaching. Not a one disagreed with me.

So, I’m just writing to thank you for being the worst teacher I’ve ever had, and thank you for killing science for me for so many years.

I hope you rot in hell.
Nate Duke ’97

If/when he writes back, I’ll be sure to post it.

Points earned: 3
Total points: 428

Here’s a great Neil Hamburger joke from last night.
Q: why did dick cheney shoot harry whittington in the face?
A: it was in retaliation for the biggie smalls murder.

Day 167 – Become a super hero

June 25, 2006

I tried to become a super hero by spilling some crazy hot sauce on me at the korean place that I ate dinner, to no avail. Then, at the end times fest, I asked Neil Hamburger to bite me and maybe I’d become some sort of Hamburger zombie…again, no avail. You can’t say I didn’t try, right?

Points earned: 2
Total points: 425

ps. sorry these are so short, but the end times fest is taking over my life…I’ll write a blog about that soon enough.

Day 166 – Mass Cheating Day

June 24, 2006

I’m not in school, so I don’t know how I’m supposed to cheat exactly…but I did sneak in a nap while I was working. Does that count? I think so.

Points earned: 3
Total points: 423

Day 165 – Leave a trail behind you, Hansel & Gretel style

June 22, 2006

When I woke up this morning I remembered that we had one moldy ass loaf of bread that we had dumpstered from trader joe’s but never got around to eating…you know how it is. When I left for work, I tore off little chunks and threw them out the window the entire way. Then Gabe and I took the rest of the loaf and fed the geese/ducks. The ducks loved it, the geese hissed and chased us away. What jerks.

Points earned: 3
Total points: 420, dude!