End Times Festival

So this weekend I spent a huge portion of my time at the End Times Fest at the Turf Club. I saw way too many bands…some great and some terrible.

I got to meet and talk to Gregg Turkington (a huge hero of mine). I was really WAY more star struck than I thought I’d be, and I think I came across as mentally unstable. I also asked him to bite my arm so I’d get super powers (which didn’t help me in the mentally unstable department), but he said he’d rather not.

Franklin and I ran into the singer for Husker Du, which was funny, ’cause I’m totally not a fan and I had no clue who he was.

I will now do a one sentence review of each band I saw.

Magik Markers – This band (with a female “singer” who basically rolled around on the floor and screamed into a guitar) sucked, but in that kind of way that’s fun to watch

Steve Mackay & Radon Ensemble – I only saw 30 seconds of this saxophone noise group, but that was plenty for me.

Death Sentence: PANDA! – I was really excited to see this trio consisting of a drummer, a flutist, and a distorted clarinet player, and they didn’t disappoint.

Yellow Swans – It was interesting how this electronic noise band from the great state of Oregon never seemed to match up with what they were doing.

Rusted Shut – If Brandon King were 50, drunk, and in a shitty noise band from Eastern Texas, this is how they would sound (I know it sounds fun, but it blew….no offense, Branny).

Oxbow – The singer for this sludgy metal band was not only the largest most muscular human being I’d ever seen, but he also got naked and masturbated on stage.

Neil Hamburger – The funniest man alive does it again!

Lambsbread – This band walked up, said nothing, made noise, and left.

Nate Denver’s Neck – Nate Denver, who not only is my new hero, but also one of the best bands I saw at the fest, played amazing poppy songs about death and a few Deicide covers.

Cherry Blossoms – Terrible hippy inspired noise played by senior citizens.

T.I.T.S. – I really liked about half of this all girl punk/noise/improve group’s set, which included some creepy poltergeist-esque vocals.

Noel Von Harmonson – This hair farmer opened up a suitcase and made some great electronic noise that sounded like a mad scientist’s lab, a lawn mower, and a small child masturbating.

Smegma – Apparently this group of old geezers has been making this John Zorn inspired music for 30+ years, or had John Zorn been making Smegma inspired music?

Flying Luttenbachers – Holy fucking shit these amazingly brutal prog guys were 1000 times better than any of the recordings I’ve ever heard.

Borbetomagus – Shit sandwich

Total Shutdown – Because it was their last show (or so the rumor goes), this band (who included Nate Denver on bass!) screamed, broke shit, threw shit, and just generally caused a ‘rawkus’ which ended in a crazy moshpit and broken turf club equipment.

Zip Code Rapists – They were just as awful, hilarious, and awesome as I thought they’d be (which translates into one of the most fun bands I’ve ever seen live).

Portable Corners – Terrible music played by stinky hippie/crusty punks in an awesome converted bus in the alleyway behind the Turf Club makes for a fun but hot time.

Nmperign – Bratwurs’, next time you’re in Boston visiting your woman, you need to go hear these guys make the quietest noise I’ve ever heard on a trumpet and sax…you won’t be disappointed.

Yowie – Amazingly tight “sloppy” prog punk played by two lumberjacks and one very french looking mustachioed weirdo.

Burning Star Core – Who knew that a violin run through a zillion pedals would sound so great?

XBXRX – The dancing for this band (by the audience and the band members) was by far the craziest with people flying through the air, climbing support poles, throwing guitars, tackling each other, and just general tom-foolery.

Taiwan Deth – If I’ve learned one thing from this fest, it’s that the saxophone is the new guitar, and I’m not so sure that’s a good thing.

Bordems – I had not seen the Bordems since 1994, and this time, even with three drumsets, they never missed a beat, and just by and large “wowed” me.

This fest was seriously amazing and I think people will be talking about it for years to come. It was maybe the best fest I’ve ever been to.

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