Day 282 – Start your very own religion

I’ve already created my own religion. Back in high school there were so many fucking T.C.s (turbo christians), and they were always trying to get people to go to church with them and such. So we started our own religion to pester them with. I was crowned Nate Christ. Sean was God. Matt, who birthed me one day whilst peeing, was called The Virgin Matt. The Apostle Ian wrote our bible. My favorite bible verse was from the book of Ian 2:4-7. “Thy screamth. Thou screamth. We all screamth for ice creamth.” We had a total of two commandments: 1) Thou shalt not go poop in public bathrooms & 2) Thou shalt not do push-ups. We dubbed our new religion Natheism. We basically went around and annoyed people until they agreed to join our church. So today I did the same thing.

Most people either said, “yes” or “no.” However, Nick continues to impress and inspire. Nicked asked me several questions: Do you still believe in God? Jesus? Heaven? Hell? I gave him the specifics of the religion and he told me that I’d incur God’s wrath because of it. When I told him that it was pretty much a joke, then he agreed as long as he could have a big role. He decided that he wanted to be St. Nick and he wanted to to two things: 1) Free the squirrels from the animal testers and lead them to THE OAK TREE, & 2) He wanted to bring the commandments down from the hill on two mini tablets. Deal.

Also, Nick told me the difference between juking and twerking. The things kids learn in junior high, huh?

Points earned: 3
Total points: 704


2 Responses to “Day 282 – Start your very own religion”

  1. Matty Says:

    I thought this sounded familiar.

  2. n8duke Says:

    Good eye, Matt.

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